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A community of idiots - Introducing Delphi legend, Baron Von Helton!

Aug. 13th, 2006

12:59 pm - Introducing Delphi legend, Baron Von Helton!

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Rev.James (VonHelton) 9/1/2002 10:01 am

From: kittycrazy 10/23/2004 6:53 pm
To: ALL (1 of 16)

21.1

2629.1

With apologies to David Letterman, I introduce a new category of discussion. Feel free to add others that I have missed (it's impossible to follow all of his idiocies).
Top 10 Stupid Things the Baron has said this week
====================================

10) "YEP! My cat is healed. I laid hands on it and prayed. Immediately the bleeding stopped, and 3 days later, was totally healed. I have prayed for tornadoes to turn away from my area, and it happened. I have prayed for rain, and it happened. " {Post 2459.19)

God heals the Baron's cat, but let's thousands die of starvation every day…even though (presumably) many more people pray for relief for the starving and suffering, than for the Baron's pussy.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

9) "He used to be a very powerful angel in Heaven who led praise & worship through music. In fact, he had musical instruments built into his body. His countanence was very brite. " (Post 2483.209)

The only instrument the Baron likes to play is his organ (madly masturbating over the Book of Revelations).

Poor spelling and grammar alert: It's COUNTENANCE (not countanence), AND BRIGHT (not brite)!

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

8) "If a christian dies, he goes to Heaven. Upon arriving, he/she is immediately put to work, either building the New Jerusalem, or preparing for the Battle of Armageddon. If you lose a loved one, and they were christian, their important up there just as much as down here, and probably moreso." (Post 2537.65)

Once again poor spelling alert, it's they're (contraction of they are), not their. Anyway, why doesn't he run off to help pave the streets of gold, or wax the swords and chariots?

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

7) "What alot of atheists tend to overlook in the Book of Revelations is that even Communist China realizes this, and attempts to stop the Anti-Christ. YES, COMMUNIST CHINA.........How ironic, isn't it? A GOD-hating govt trying to stop SATAN? Just when it looks like the Chinese are going to fail, we appear in the clouds, and the Anti-Christ turns his weapons on us." (Post 2537.65)

Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Exactly how are the Chinese fighting the birth of the Antichrist?

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

6) " Both sides of the trench were deeply religious. " (Post 2519.26)

Gee I guess this means that WWI was a big fundie fight! Good thing all the atheists stayed home!

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5) "Well, as a matter of fact, I do. The words "GOD With Us" was written on their belt buckles." (Post 2519.31)

And, I believe something similar was also on the belt buckles of the German officers in WWII. You may remember them as Nazis. I seem to remember reading on someone else's posting (I can't reference a specific post number, but hey, since when has supporting claims or sticking to accuracy been a hallmark of the Baron?) that the Baron claims Germanic Jewish heritage. Whether true or not, you would think, that this type of person would be more sensitive to genocide and mass murder issues, rather than exhibiting, proudly I might add, his hard-on for righteous slaughter. Of course, Hitler also thought his cause was just, but most of us recognize him for the monster he really was.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

4) " You know, it's times like this when I really wish the dispensation of Grace was over. It'd almost be funny.......One of you guys raises your fist at GOD, and a lightning bolt fries ya......."

I think we've established whom the Baron really worships… Zeus - the Big Dude with the Lightning Bolts!

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

3) " The Old Testament says GOD hardened Pharoh's heart. This is a mis-translation. Pharoh hardened his own heart by not heeding to GOD's word, & doing what ~HE KNEW~ was right." (Post 2459.347)

There you have it folks! Straight from the Baron's own mouth! He ADMITS a mistranslation in the Bible. So much for the eternal, unchanging, perfect, infallible word of God!

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

2) " If you do believe, you're faith will increase, with signs & wonders following. I believe this next move of GOD will give christians the faith to walk on water as Jesus did." (Post 2459.312)

NEWSFLASH!!! Christian claims amazing ability to walk on water as Christ did! The hockey game continued after the loon was removed from the ice, babbling something about 'fragging demonized-zombies".

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

And the number one stupid thing the Baron's posted this week…

1) " GOD spoke to my heart, and told me to go to McDonalds. I went, and when I got there, I knew exactly who to speak to & what to say. I told this boy (probably about 17 or 18) that GOD had sent me as his last chance. The boy scoffed at this, so I left. I later found out he died.....I could talk all day about this, but I won't. " (Post 2459.311)

Silly Baron! God sent you for an order of those Dino-sized fries.


Rev.James (VonHelton) 10/18/2001 8:16 pm
To: LunaClique (LunaRayven) (14 of 211)

276.14 in reply to 276.12

The next person that comments on my mental state will be turned in to Delphi for a TOS violation. Don't think I will? Try me......
For the record, I went & got checked out, and not only am I sane, but have a lager IQ than I thought I did.

So, BITE ME.


VonHelton) 11/6/2001 8:04 am
To: Dena (UNICORN8) (129 of 211)

276.129 in reply to 276.125

No, it's a bit late for that. Instead, I think I should give them what they want........A very deadly monster.
To hell with the Rede! To hell with the 3-fold law!

I don't give a shit anymore...........I'll do what I should've done from the beginning.


Rev.James (VonHelton) 11/6/2001 8:28 am
To: Bodhi (Bodhi_Dharma) (134 of 211)

276.134 in reply to 276.127

Namaste Baron,
While you've been gone, things seemed to had mellowed out. No one was speaking about you, unless a curious observer came in and posted on this thread. But all seemed to have died down.

What planet are you on? While I was gone, someone came in here posing as me! Things didn't die down, they got WORSE!!

Is it that you *want* people to talk about you, or not want people to talk about you? Are you seeking attention once again?

Ask yourself: What do I, Baron, wish to accomplish? Why am I here?

I want them to die, Bohdi. That's the only way this will end now. They have smeared my name to the point to where I can't work here like I need to.

Then answer the question for yourself.

You can't really complain about anyone talking about you if all has died down, and you reappear to try to stir up the masses. If that is what you are doing, aren't you getting what you want? Then why complain about it?

Just trying to understand.

"Just trying to understand" my ASS......

*YOU* could've said something way back at Raven's Crossroads, but didn't. You know these people are full of shit, yet you sat back & did NOTHING as thread after thread was created, mocking & ridiculing me.

Then, to add insult to injury, you agreed with them just recently.

........Don't talk to me again. As far as I'm concerned, you are a traitor.

Blessings,

Bodhi

PS: the sig with the Tigers looks better. Could use a size down, but its still an improvement =)

Thanks.


Rev.James (VonHelton) 3/8/2002 4:07 am
To: Marcus Tullius Cicero (MTCicero) (207 of 211)

276.207 in reply to 276.206

Markus,
As a former Orderly in hospitals & nursing homes, I can speak with authority when I say it's a bad idea to open old wounds...........

Rev.James (VonHelton) 11/4/2001 5:23 pm
To: Ryan (_Guardian) (433 of 526)

268.433 in reply to 268.431

I've put on weight......
As for you, everyone knows you & Soron are liars, just like your master, so who are you fooling, eh?

As for people hating me, it's only this pitiful bunch of morons assembled here. Most people don't have a problem with me.

.........But you already know that, don't you?

Tell ya what I think........I think your too chicken to face me on the battlefield.

........In fact, I'm sure of it.

Like it or not, Ragnarok is coming, and I am ready!

.........And you are not. And that makes me very happy.

From: kittycrazy 11/1/2004 5:58 pm
To: kittycrazy (7 of 16)

21.7 in reply to 21.1

Rev.James (VonHelton) 11/8/2001 8:23 am
To: Your Basic Shay (heyshay) (41 of 71)

288.41 in reply to 288.40

Shay, it's rather obvious that Lunaraven's opinion of me is heavily biased, particularly since she locked me out of forums I didn't do anything wrong in.
As for debating the Bible, yes it is a personal matter, or at least it should be.

There are portions of the Bible that I do adhere to, others that I discard. I do this with any Holy Book, not just the Bible.

These people assembled here will LIE TO YOU. How do I know? I sent one of my friends to talk to them, and they lied about me, saying things that this person knew were untrue........Case closed.

I have many forums on Delphi where I am respected, don't believe these idiots.




Rev.James (VonHelton) 11/8/2001 7:03 am
To: ALL (1 of 55)

290.1

You say:
"It's not us that's the problem, it's you!" Yet, you've went from forum to forum, defaming me at every turn, locking me out just because my beliefs are different.

"This is all your fault!" Really? Take a look around.......Who started these threads? ME? Hardly......

Tell ya what.......If your so righteous, DELETE ALL THREADS HAVING TO DO WITH ME, AND DO NOT START NEW ONES.

.......The problem is, you can't.

See, if you delete the threads, new people will judge me for me, instead of your biased opinions of me, and you don't want that, now do you?

In fact, the truth is, I'm not the person you portray me to be at all, and if others find that out, YOU, not me, with be the ones looked down upon.

If you leave the threads up, you prove that this is indeed an obsession, and has been from the beginning, and that the only reason your doing this is because you believe that Delphi Management won't do anything to you.

If you delete this post, it proves beyond any doubt that your actions were & are malicious in nature, and have been from the beginning, and that Delphi should take action against you. (And yes, Delphi has been informed of this post, in case you're wondering.)

Where I come from, this is called "checkmate".

Game over, man........


Rev.James (VonHelton) 9/1/2002 9:21 am
To: Meryt (MAJIK9) (40 of 190)

3691.40 in reply to 3691.34

Like I said previously, most people have no idea what's going on. Since it seems no one is going to believe me unless I "tell all", I will do so NOW!
I am in the process of getting a court order ______ to shut down a forum that I was a founding member of. I recieved the virus from an individual who goes to that forum, and was pissed that I'm doing this.

AS I SAID, IT WAS DONE DELIBERATE.

You will find Majik, that I have a reputation for always telling the truth. The sad part is that I VERY SELDOM get an apology when people find out I was right.


Rev.James (VonHelton) 9/1/2002 9:26 am
To: SnowQn*IceMaiden (kimsmiser) (41 of 190)

3691.41 in reply to 3691.36

~~~~~~~it simply was time.~~~~~~~~~
What a load of BS.

The Gods told me some time ago:

"Look upon the Dark Realm for the last time, for not long hence, they will be no more."

It seems to me that the Gods have saw fit to remove this "thorn of Delphi" themselves.


To: Dena (UNICORN8) (43 of 190)

3691.43 in reply to 3691.27

No, I have a better idea.
It's called a "Cease & Desist" order. It similar to a restraining order.

As soon as the paperwork is done, I will send you a copy.

The gist of it goes something like this:

Any attempt to alter, compile, or otherwise mutilate my intelectual property (in this case, my words, my sig, etc) will be in violation of a court order.

Any attempt to discriminate or disparrage my personage in any way.

Any attempt to take action deemed offensive or threatening or show bias.

~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~

If that doesn't work, I will then weigh my options. Now, if on the off chance you find this personally offensive, you have several options available to you:

1. All threads must be sanitized as my posts & threads were. (As I told SiFan, it will take approximately 3 years to complete).

2. Clearly post on the start page that only certain opinions are welcome here. Be sure not to name anyone specifically. Any and all referances to me *AND THOSE THAT SHARE MY OPINIONS* are to be removed, especially anything derrogatory or inflamitory. Any & all backups are to be destroyed.

3. Challenge the Cease & Desist Order in court (You will lose).

Note: This cease & desist order is *NOT* Delphi specific. It applies to ANY & ALL forums, webpages, or electronic material or data. Therefore, Delphi is not involved, and most likely will not assist you. Delphi is fullly aware of my actions.

The beuty of this plan is that you send yourself to jail via non-compliance, and I don't have to get involved much.

Can I do this legally?

YOU BET YOUR ASS I CAN!


Rev.James (VonHelton) 9/1/2002 9:20 pm
To: Meryt (MAJIK9) (60 of 190)

3691.60 in reply to 3691.58

~~~~~~~~Such an order would have no effect on any forum host on the web. It isn't enforceable.~~~~~~~
Then you need to read up on the Internet Laws Congress passed not long ago.

Further, legal presedent has already been set, many times over.

Even more, I have already sent 4 people to jail over similar infractions.

Lastly, discrimination, slander, harrasment, etc are still against the law, it doesn't matter where the infraction took place, and the judge will tell you the same thing.

For some strange reason, people are under the (misguided) impression that they can harrass, slander & defame people just because they sit behind a computer screen.

Your more than welcome to come down here to the great state of Ky & ask the judge yourself!

:)

If Dena threatens me once more, I will forego the Cease & Desist order, & sue her ass, like I have others already. I was trying to be nice, but it seems that being nice gets me nowhere with some people.

NOTE: I have not lost a case yet, nor do I intend to lose any new ones.

I am not a dog, nor am I "entertainment", to quote the non-Christian Darin. I don't take kindly to threats.

As for my being a "hot-head", maybe if I was treated with a modicum of respect, maybe if I didn't have people meddling in my personal affairs and destroying my property, both intelectual & physical, I would act differently, ya think?

Naw, it can't be that simple, now can it?



Rev.James (VONHELTON) 6/11/2000 9:43 am
To: DECON9 (2 of 1167)

2854.2 in reply to 2854.1

GOD warned me, in advance, not to share any meat of the Word, only milk. So I, the idiot, decided to share it with you, thinking you were genuinely sincere. I should've listened to GOD.
One thing's for sure. I'll never make this mistake again. You have proven, without a doubt, that atheists are back-stabbers. You sought information, not to learn, but to use as yet one more weapon against me.

Because of what you've done to me this day, I now do what I must do. I loose warring angels upon you, to do as they please.

May GOD have mercy on your soul. I wash my hands of you.



Rev.James (VONHELTON) 6/17/2000 1:59 am
To: DALE4611 (74 of 1167)

2854.74 in reply to 2854.72

What they fail to tell you is the multiple posts calling me Nazi, Hitler, & others things I can't even repeat.
They also fail to tell you that everything was fine until they found out I was a christian. Once they found this out, it was open season, and I was the target.

No less than 300 e-mail notifications, every day, since I came here. In fact, it was so bad, my ISP called me to find out if everything was ok!!!

Anyone with eyes can see that I am the brunt of jokes & ridicule, ONLY due to my religious beliefs.

Where I come from, that's called "religious discrimination", and it's AGAINST THE LAW.

Another thing they forgot to mention is that they also openly talk about my genetailia, and have also eluded I have sex with animals.

AND YOU WONDER WHY I'M UPSET??????????

Tell ya what Dale. How 'bout I round up 300 or so people, and we discuss ~YOUR~ genetailia............ON AN OPEN (NON PASSWORDED) FORUM, NO LESS!

What would you think then? Would you be pissed? I think you WOULD!



From: Rev.James (VONHELTON) 4/4/2001 2:02 pm
To: AR Cline (Atheism Guide) (ab_atheism) (114 of 243)

9182.114 in reply to 9182.113

Ok, Cline.......
Show me *ONE* thread that bashes the Horned God & Goddess as much as the threads on Jesus bash him.

YOU CAN'T!

Do you really think I'm the only Pagan who knows the *REAL* intent of this board?

Can you say the words "Discrimination"? "Harrasment"? "Bias"?

Sorry, bub.......Anyone with *HALF* a brain can see what's going on here. You can sit there & make excuses until your blue in the face, but it doesn't change ANYTHING.

As for the personal attacks on me, don't worry. Delphi is slow, but they *ARE* thourough, and personal attacks will be delt with.

Personal attacks are a violation of Delphi's TOS, and this board is *FULL OF THEM*!!

......and not just me, either.

Miracles *DO* exist, Cline! It's a *MIRACLE* Delphi hasn't shut you down!




From: Rev.James (VONHELTON) 5/1/2001 12:39 am
To: Citizen30 (80 of 143)

9787.80 in reply to 9787.79

The difference between me & you is that I actually *DO* what Jesus said to do. Lay hands on the sick, cast out devils, & raise the dead. In fact, I had every intention of raising a woman from the dead just yesterday, but the family objected, so I didn't even go to the funeral.
I have had 3 attempts to raise people from the dead, and in every instance, the family objected, which is a shame.

I cast out devils with even more ferver........Tell me, how many demons have you cast out? How many attempts at raising the dead?

I bet I know the answer..........ZERO.

This "Bless Me" Christianity that's going around is HOGWASH. Christians should be about the Father's business, not in some dwelling made with hands that's more of a social club than a place to worship. Not listening to some beurocrat pastor that was appointed by a *HUMAN* committee.........

Hypocracy is RAMPANT in the Body of Christ. If you doubt this, you are BLIND. I belong to the Remnant. We are the true & faithful, doing the work of the Father.

We actually *DO* heal the sick, raise the dead, & cast out devils. Why? Because we are commanded to do so.

But since your wrapped up on this "Peace With Satan At Any Cost" kick, how do you justify Jesus telling his deciples to take swords with them?